Sukkot is the holiday of joy — and it’s also the only holiday where we literally leave behind what’s “normal” and live somewhere temporary.
These two concepts together are actually a wonderful reminder to notice where we are in life and our relationships.
The sukkah isn’t perfect or permanent. It’s exposed and vulnerable. And we’re still expected to be present and enjoy it.
That’s what this time is about — letting go of the pressure to have it all figured out and learning to be more in the moment, even when things feel unsettled.
That mindset is incredibly relevant whether you're married or still dating.
If You're Single
This time of year can feel a bit off when you’re doing it solo. You’re sitting at meals with other people’s families, making plans with other singles, and maybe wondering when things will shift.
Change your focus. Instead of thinking about what’s not here yet, start paying attention to how you’re showing up in your own life.
Dating doesn’t mean constantly being “on” or strategizing. It means living as the person you are, making choices that reflect who you want to be in a relationship — and trusting that the way you show up now is part of the process.
A few things you can actually do:
- Say yes to things you’d enjoy even if no one else comes along. That might be going to a concert, joining a trip, or treating yourself to lunch in a place you love.
- Practice showing up casually. If you’re dating, stop scripting your conversations. You don’t need to say “the right thing.” You need to show up as yourself.
- Drop the checklist on dates. Try asking, “How do I feel when I’m with this person?” instead of, “Do they match everything I think I need?”
- Notice how you carry yourself. Are you moving through the world in a way that says “I’m open,” or are you constantly bracing for disappointment? That’s not criticism — it’s something to get curious about.
- Don’t put your life on hold. People who are active, connected, and building lives that they enjoy are easier to connect with. They're also less likely to tolerate relationships that drain them.
Your future husband will want you to have a full, joyful life. He’ll want to know that you’re doing, growing, enjoying — not waiting around just in case someone might see you the wrong way.
Don’t keep yourself small for the sake of looking ready. Live as your real self.
If You're Married
You might love each other and still feel like the relationship is running on autopilot. That’s normal — especially during busy times like the chagim.
The calendar is full, your mind is juggling logistics, and sometimes connection ends up last on the list.
But just like we set time aside for holidays — or how Shabbat shows up every week no matter how busy we are — relationships also need something on the calendar.
A regular pause. A moment to check in, laugh, or just be together, even briefly.
A few easy ways to reconnect:
- Keep it light. An evening stroll, a drink at a café, or simply sharing something at home. Spend time together without needing a big romantic setup.
- Schedule it. Block 20–30 minutes on your calendar and just be together. Phones away.
- Find the time. Notice when your schedules align and add in some extra couple time — after the kids go to bed, while folding laundry, or while grocery shopping.
- Make it fun. Play a quick game of cards, do a puzzle together, watch something that makes you laugh, or reminisce about your dating days.
- Make it meaningful. Make room for conversations that aren’t about logistics or the kids — deep things, silly things, things that matter only to the two of you.
You don’t need to wait for things to calm down or clear up. You just need something built in — small, steady moments that remind you you’re in this together.
You Don’t Have to Wait
Too many people press pause — on connection, on joy, on themselves — hoping they’ll feel more ready later.
But the moments that matter are happening now.
Whether it’s a few minutes with your husband after dinner, or saying yes to something small and fun just because you want to go, this season is an invitation to live more fully, even in the middle of the unknown.
The moments that matter are happening now.
These are some of the kinds of things I work on with clients — helping singles date with more clarity and confidence, and helping couples reconnect through small, meaningful shifts.